Don't Lie. Live.

So. Much. Lying.   Lying has become normal conversation for some in our government (not so surprising) and (perhaps more alarming) in society at large. Honesty and integrity are hardly recognizable anymore. Self-service and fooling the masses into believing the things that keep you in power have become the basis for politics. Self-service is the cultural norm that trickles down from that. If it’s white or East-Coast or well-heeled people who call for fairness, equality, justice, and love, they are called elitist, overprivileged, out of touch, and selfish. If brown or poor people do the same thing, they are called race-baiters, criminals, pathetic, and ignorant. My conclusion is that by shooting any messenger, we reject the message. We don’t want love and kindness. We prefer anger, division, tribalism, and cultural war. Why? Maybe so we can sow and cement separation and division. Why? Because as long as we‘re separate, as long as we can say ‘they’ don’t belong to us, we each can maintain that we are superior to someone else. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it? 

The above is a slightly edited compilation of several tweets I posted the other day when I was screaming inside with frustration after watching way too much news and commentary.  It has become an addictive trap these days into which I fall far too easily. I've lost many hours listening to commentators analyzing and expounding about the events we are watching march by us like acrobats in a fascinating but terrifying parade. How can this - this unrest, this world, this chaos and grief - be happening? I think many of us can agree something has been lost or is at least on the verge of becoming lost. What the something is is its own question. It's somewhere on the continuum of integrity to truth to trust to joy. If that continuum is a road, it might seem like that road is slowly being demolished by some deus ex jackhammer. It sometimes feels as if we are crawling along the side of that ravaged road, through the weeds, unsure if we are headed in the right direction. The main conundrum in this situation is that we have nothing to which to orient ourselves. There is no true north by which to set our compasses. There are a thousand norths clamoring for our attention, trying to be the strongest signal so that we will head that way, whatever it is. And maybe one of them is the true one. But we have stopped believing any of them, not totally, anyway. I'm afraid that soon we will stop believing that there even is a true one, anywhere.

I digress from my main point, though. The real reason, I'm thinking, that we don't believe anyone, or believe in anyone, anymore, is that we somehow sense that we have become a nation - or an Earth - of opportunists. There seem to be very few people doing good things just because it's right to do good things. If there are, they are the trees getting lost in the forest. We are so beset by liars, cheaters, game-players, and other factions who appear only interested in their own gain, however they've defined it, that we can't even see do-gooders and when we do, what do we do? We call them names. We say "do-gooder" like it's an insult. We call a thoughtful person who considers all sides of an issue a "fence-sitter" or a "flip-flopper" as if it's disgraceful to try to appreciate many viewpoints. We call those who value kindness and compassion in language "politically correct" because we somehow think that our right to say whatever we damn well please is more important than someone else's right to be treated respectfully. We sneer at the politician who says that a rising tide lifts all boats. Pfft. The only boat that matters is mine. 

And woe to the person who doesn't self-aggrandize or self-promote. Snowflakes that disappear.

Why? Why??? Because, as I said in my tweet, there is one thing humans are good at, and that is finding someone else to be better than. We find it more expedient to put someone down if we want to elevate ourselves. Never, ever raise someone up. Then they might be higher than us. Use words like "attack" and "condemn" rather than the more neutral and thoughtful "criticize" or "disagree." When you disagree with someone, by all means, call them a name. That will take care of them. And make you look like someone who knows everything, too. Have a temper tantrum or a smug expression. You are right, so you've earned it. And because you've conflated opinion with fact, you don't have to know anything to prove it. And you can lie as long as you can find someone to agree with you. Now you're an expert.

What are we so afraid of? Are we terrified that those upon whom we've always been able to look down - the poor, the brown, the uneducated, the queer, the conservative, the liberal - might be, after all, just as good as we are? Or better? Are we worried that all the facades we've worked so hard to build to present shiny faces to the world will be discovered as frauds? Are we afraid our walls will fall down? (A wall is good not only for keeping undesirables out but for showing them how undesirable they are). Are we watching our old ways and assumptions be replaced by new ones that work better in a changing world? Does that mean we will be replaced? Replaced by what? New things we don't understand? If we have to learn new languages or skills or cultural norms, does that mean our old ones were wrong? That we were wrong? That learning something new means good, that old means bad, and if we are old we must be bad?

It might. So we find ways to hold on to those old ways - those skills, those thoughts, those behaviors - as long as we can, because when they were relevant, we were on top. Once we change, we might be on the bottom.

I ask you, were you ever on the top? What IS the top?

Who are you better than? 

And please understand, by "you" I mean me.

I hope that soon we will discover that learning something new does not mean we were wrong when we lived the old way. That way was new once too. Once we stop being so afraid of being topped by someone else, we will stop living in fear, which breeds contempt, which breeds hate. We will stop believing in the people who tell us our fear is justified and who promise to keep us on top. (It's not, and they won't.) And we will learn again what trust is - and that it's not worship. Part of that will be listening to our love rather than our fear, and realizing that we are all happier when we are ALL happier. That's not sentimental or goody-goody. It's just a fact.

Be easy. We do - all - matter.